Curiosity Killed the Cat

I friggin' hate keen.com right now. So far TWO of their idiot users have used my email address to sign up for their services.
I have had fun screwing with their accounts, and am likely to continue doing so to vent off all my frustration.

In other news, Happy Christmas! Some folks will remember how I was going off on how glad I was not to have an Android phone. Well, that's about to change, or at least it will when I get back to work...

There Goes the Science Bit... - a report on debunking absolutely stupid claims by supposed "health" products. My favorite is the "Aerobic Oxygen". That's like calling water wet, fer chrissakes. Also, the chemical-free fruit reminds of the fake "keep our food DNA-free!" science-awareness site from a few years ago. Or the "ban mono-oxygen di-hydrogen" campaign. Except that the people selling so-called chemical-free fruit are actually trying to make a profit.

I'M MOVING TO MERRY OL' ENGLAND

Why, praytell, would you want this in your code?

<noscript>
<script language='javascript'> document.write('<scr'+'ipt>alert('Please enable javascript')</scr'+'ipt>') </script>
</noscript>

Seriously, this whole snippet is defeatist.

I just manually cleared out about 100 comments worth of spam from DA! by downloading the MySQL table, scrubbing it clean in Excel, and reuploading it.
Anyone know of a good script (PHP preferably) that I could implement to try to stop this?
So far, most of the spam contents has been trying to insert spam links, so I've added some error checking to discard any comments that include http:// in them, as only 1 legit comment out of nearly 300 actually has http:// in it. Also, many of the other spam links had the same "Add" or "Add Entry" so those were also blocked.
Any other suggestions?
Although the comment script collects IP addresses, I don't think an IPblock will do any good because they change for each spam entry.

I made the spam image for something else entirely, but it's quite fitting here as well.

motorbike LINKS TO THE COOLEST SHIRTS EVAR!

I totally want:
this one and this one because I totally ♥ Satan, HE IS THE MAN A TOTALLY AWESOME OMNIPOTENT BEING.
Also, this design is delightfully ironic as Jesus is one of the many reasons we HAVE war in the Middle East.
Anyone who buys this ought to realize that celebrating Christmas not only celebrates Jesus' birthday but also a gajillion other lovely Winter Solstice holidays, which the early Christian priests originally utilized to convert more pagans (LOL PEOPLE ARE CELEBRATING LET'S MAKE THEM CELEBRATE OUR LORD WHILE THEY'RE AT IT! ZOMG GREAT IDEA!)
Finally, What is missing from your City Hall this Christmas? Answer: KWANZAA.

...are at least not as bad as Ikuhara's.

Because at least it's hard to clash a shirt with jeans, no matter what crap is on them. Ikuhara, now, believes that red and green shiny satinness should marry and belt out zettai unmei mokushiroku at the top of their lungs to proclaim how wonderful they are together.

I'M SO SORRY I HAD TO LEAVE YOU MERCEDES. I REALLY WANTED TO BE THERE SO WE COULD CRY ON EACH OTHER'S SHOULDERS MAKE BITING COMMENTARY ON YELLOW PADS THAT WE COULD POST ON THE INTARWEB THAT WOULD GET US LYNCHED BY 3837598276983762389562 FANGIRLS

On an unrelated note, this is clearly a sign that I need to empty my spam folder out more often.